Dear Silas January 4, 2011

Dear Silas

Today I took your pacifier away. I read online that a good way to do this is to cut the top off and then tell you that your paci broke. I didn’t know what you would do but it sounded like a good idea. That way you could still have it if you wanted it and not get mad at me for keeping it from you. So I did this and brought it to you this morning. I brought it to you and said “Silas come look, your paci broke.” You walked over and immediately got a big poochy lip. You looked at it for awhile and kept saying “Bo Bo BO” I think you were trying to say broke…. anyways, I thought you would scream and cry all day but you havent cried ONCE!! For 1 year every time you have laid in your bed, you have had your paci and I took it today and you havent cried????? When I laid you down for nap today you just looked sad. I was prepared for you not to sleep today and just scream for 2 hours but you didnt cry ONCE. I came in after 20 minutes of silence and you were laying in your bed staring at the ceiling in the same position I left you. I feel so bad for you. You just seem SAD. Then again tonight you just laid down sad. But I want to thank you.

It was 1 year ago tomorrow I found out I had cancer and one of my first concerns was you. You were my BABY and the doctor said I needed to quit nursing you that day to prepare for surgery. So the paci was part of God’s plan for you and GOd is graciously helping you today. It may seem small to you, but it is an unexpectly blessing from HIM to me today. The Lord took care of you when I couldn’t this past year. I’m reminded today that He loves you more than even I do. You are loved my little man~ mom

I just finished writing this and now you are in your bed crying…. should I erase this since you are crying now??? I guess you just popped out of your depression

I’m writing more to you buddy. It is day two of no paci. Last night you cried for maybe 10 minutes and then fell asleep and no crying today. Praise the Lord, that was way easier than I was expecting!

The Duties of Parents October 18, 2010

I picked this book up last night off the book table at church and I havent been able to put it down. Joe is going to start reading through chapters in the book during family devotions at night. It is SO SO SO SO good. I cant write enough about it. It is only 38 pages and very devotional in nature. Reading this book feels a whole lot like sitting down on a bench with a really wise old man that just starts giving good advice. Buy this book, it is WONDERFUL!!!

The Duties of Parents by R.C. Ryle

The Valley of Vision October 12, 2010

I’ve been reading a book called The Valley of Vision. It is a deeper book that I can only usually read 1 page at a time out of. It is a collection of prayers and devotionals written by the Puritans. Here is the first devotional in the book. Take your time reading it; one sentance at a time.

THE VALLEY OF VISION
Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,
Thou has brought me to the valley of vision,
Where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights;
Hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to having nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown
that to give is to receive, That the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley.

Trophy Kids October 10, 2010

If you are a parent, take 7 minutes to listen to this wisdom from God’s word…. Parenting must target at the heart not the behavior. TROPHY KIDS

season’s of life October 8, 2010

I love the change of seasons. One of my favorite memories growing up was right before thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was a BIG deal in our home. My dad often invited everyone he knew from school that had no place to eat thanksgiving dinner. Each year in college, my brothers and I would bring home friends that lived too far away to go home. Thanksgiving at our house was a day filled with aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, teachers and homecooked food. Everyone would come over at lunch and stay late into the evening playing flag football, board games, talking outside, taking naps or watching old movies. I remember LOVING to come home after cheerleading practice in high school on the last day of school before thanksgiving. My mom would come home from school around noon that day and start all the baking. Pies, cakes, my great grandma’s favorite cookies, and arabic desserts were laying all over the house by the time I would get home. Such sweet memories~

Each season of the year brings fond memories from growing up just like this. Not only are there seasons of the year, there are also seasons of life. I love the season of life I am in right now. our home is so sweet with all these little kids running everywhere. The work is crazy but they are so cute….. each night when I tuck them in, I get really close to each of their sleeping faces and just look at them. They are so sweet and little and innocent. A day will come for each of them when they no longer are cared for as children but that they must stand as adults in a world filled with sin, and temptation, and schemes of the devil. Many nights I walk away from them and pray for those years ahead. But during their childhood, I want them to remember a place where they learned the goodness and faithfulness of our God. And a home that loved Him more than anything…. that is my prayer.

Here are a few things I wanted to say that have been on my mind lately

1. I want my kids to have the same sweet mememories from growing up as I did.

2. They are not going to be little forever so i need to keep taking pictures and videos and staring at them like a crazy mom when they are in bed at night……. I always laugh out loud at Georgia when I do this. She is the lightest sleeper. I’ll get real close to her face to look at her and then BOOM she just opens both eyes and looks at me…. it usually startles me and I start laughing. The other day I heard someone say when your kids are little, the days are long, but the years are short……. so true!

3. Make some good memories with your family this fall. If you are the mom, that means most of the work will fall on your shoulders but it’s so worth it for your kids! Thank you mom for all the work you did every year during thanksgiving to be hospitable! I still treasure those memories!!

I’m not a fit mother September 24, 2010

 It’s taken me awhile to get comfortable with the thought that my kids need to know I’m not perfect and I am just as much a sinner as they are. It’s gotta be hard being a kid always messing up and then you have these 2 grown up parents that never have to say sorry or admit when they are wrong. As we pray at the breakfast table, I think more of our prayers should sound like this. Lord, I am really struggling this morning being content in what you have called me to do. I need your help to be joyful even though I don’t feel like being joyful in what this day holds….” I find that many times when I pray my heart instead of hiding my heart from my kids, they come over and hug me or smile at me. Part of parenting is allowing our kids to see our walk with God. It is GOOD for them  to hear us praise God, apologize to God, thank God, beg God, sing to God, cry to God, and laugh out loud at what He does in our lives. So here is an article I think you will like.  A friend from college sent it to me. Enjoy~

Whenever I feel inadequacy as a parent, I turn to these Scriptures . . .
For I am the least of the apostles, who am not fit to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am . . .
. . . and my feeling is confirmed: I am unfit to be a mother.
Yet here I am, a mother; three undeniable evidences sit around our dinner table, drink four gallons of milk per week, and throw their dirty socks in the laundry basket. I am, in fact, a mother. This means that God has made me what I am not fit to be. Every time I try to understand that, I can’t, really. God gave me this job, even though I am underqualified. Counterintuitively, this knowledge—this realization that I am unfit to be a parent—strengthens me as a parent. My best parenting credential is God’s grace. By the grace of God, I am what I am . . .
. . . and His grace toward me did not prove vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me.
(above quotes are from 1 Corinthians 15:9-10)
The parenting role is overwhelming, but I strive and try harder to be a good parent, even while recognizing that I am a parent only by God’s grace. My efforts and striving only follow in the wake His grace makes. Paradoxically and wonderfully, God’s Word which makes me understand that I am unfit to be a parent is the very same Word that gives me utmost confidence to be a parent.
Maybe feelings of inadequacy can be healthy. They actually give me confidence and better ability, for what is more enabling than God’s grace?

I love this lady, she reminds me of my grandma September 1, 2010

life comes in chapters…. August 31, 2010

Today I had the morning to myself. It was refreshing. I started the morning taking my ipod to the high school track up the road. I listened to this over and over and over again. At the end of this video Piper says life comes in chapters. I thought about this most of the morning. Made me sad to think that there is coming a day that my kids will be BIG. I want to freeze this chapter and protect them from this world.

But then I have to remind myself God didn’t call me to raise kids to be mama’s boys when they are grown. I want these boys to be strong Godly men who stand for righteousness and are bold as a lion for Christ. I want Georgia Anne to love Christ above anything this world pushes towards her. These kids have been entrusted to me for a short time. Once that time is over, I have to let go. It’s probably good I don’t have many days to think for hours at a time. By the time I came home, I had Silas grown and married in my mind. He’s just a year old….

dirty sheets August 17, 2010

I think I need to look at this pyramid every week. Do your floors ever make you feel guilty? I work my tail off every day and my floors just don’t get cleaned as often as I wished they did. I’m not even telling you how long it’s been since I’ve changed my kids sheets. You would think I was an unfit mother. I do my best but go to bed most nights with undone chores. So, this list is for all the girls out there that need to start taking a shower and stop cleaning the floors.

carissa August 14, 2010

So after writing the post on generosity the other day I had a funny thing happen. My next door neighbor is a sweet Christian retired couple. They have a little grand daughter that LOVES coming over to play when she is visiting her grandparents. Her name is Carissa and she is 9.  Anytime I hear a LOUD knock on the garage door, I know it’s Carissa.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG….. I opened the door and there was Carissa standing in our garage wanting to come inside.  The day progressed and she just stayed and stayed and stayed. The afternoon quickly turned into the evening. Her grandma usually comes and gets her but this time she didn’t come. Dinner time came and I started working in the kitchen. As I was cooking, I looked behind me and saw Carissa staring at me. Poor girl, I realized she was hungry and wanted to stay for dinner and I hadn’t even invited her! I didn’t have much extra food but I was not about to let this girl watch us eat. I had made shrimp, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. Shrimp is one of my favorite foods and I didn’t have much of it. So with open hands I decided I would just eat mashed potatoes and broccoli for dinner and give Carissa my shrimp.

As we thanked the Lord for the food, I saw Georgia reach over and hold Carissa’s hand during the prayer. Carissa opened her eyes and stared at Georgia and then at Joe while he thanked the Lord for the food. It was one of the sweetest dinners I’ve ever sat at. I could have missed all of that if I had not shared my shrimp…..As she ate, she told me shrimp was her favorite food and that she always eats dinner alone watching tv. She told me that at her house there’s never food in the fridge and then she told me about her parents getting divorced. I could hear sadness as she talked.

When she was leaving the house that night she turned around and told me she loved me. It touched my heart.  It doesn’t take much effort at all for kids to know you care about them. Especially kids that haven’t been raised in homes that live out the gospel. I’ve always wanted to adopt a baby but Carissa has opened my heart to adopting an older child. It’s such a beautiful picture of how Christ adopted me when He saved me…… Maybe God  was doing this for me instead of Carissa

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